Yeah we had sex for the first time last night and all the text he sent me afterwards said was “heh”
She is totally STD
Is it a bad omen that my phone auto corrects dtf to STD
My phone saved "first signs of pregnancy" as a most visited search.
How does one chug a beer and swing the bottle at someone in a single motion? This guys a beer ninja man
I send him pictures of my tits whenever I feel like he's paying too much attention to his girlfriend.
I used to put Bugles on my penis and pretend it was a wizard.
It's not socially acceptable to be drunk in adult world. That fact makes me die a little inside.
So yeah, don't be alarmed when you come home after work to find me eating cookie dough out of a margarita glass with a knife and watching The Little Mermaid. It's been one of those days.
All of my Tinder matches have neck tattoos. It's like God wants me to go to jail again.
I needed to pee, so I climbed out his window
i like that he makes me laugh. those are like my two favorite things. laughing and fucking.
So I sniffed too hard this morning before work and I THINK THE COCAINE JUST STARTED ROUND 2.
On a brighter more disgusting note...... I think I just shart myself but I'm too afraid to find out.
I guess I can check "drink alone in the dark" off my bucket list
I have no idea, I usually just project my awkwardness out like a mating call until it draws other awkward members of the opposite sex out from the bushes
Randomize
