Dude, my boy c***** and I hooked up with Asian sisters last night in the same room
Then I put on blue by Eiffel 65 and security showed up and yelled at us for being too loud. Also, they stopped fucking because no one can fuck to eiffel 65
the best part about watching a meteor shower at 4 am is being able to masturbate in public and drink hot chocolate at the same time.
I need to figure out what I wanna do with my life.
There are margaritas in the freezer still.
I think the fact that my first kiss is now in a porno says a lot about why my life is the way it is
Its official, drinking for 15 hours counts as a suicide attempt
For someone only wearing socks and a cast, I felt reallyy overdressed
My mom said she saw you at the bar last night and asked how you were. She said, you replied with, "Oh you know, just knocked up."
Figured I'd get right to the point
You asked him for a membership to him and his dick.
Exactly. Motivated vaginas are the best kind of vagina
He sent me a pic of her engagement ring and then STILL asked for nudes.
you told the police officer you wanted to be just like her one day but not a lesbian
You continued to run around saying "free the nipple" while "taste testing" every liquor on the premises.
Yeah so then I used the selfie stick his mom gave me to take nudes
The moral of the story is this:the last shot of the night is always a mistake
excused from jury duty. THAT hungover...
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