a guy named alex was hitting on my friend tonight. he doesnt work on wind turbines tho.
Dude there are two smokin hot chicks laying outside my apartment...I almost want to tell them theyre laying where I threw up last night
U should. Its a good ice breaker
plans for tonight: dress up like pirates, drink a bottle of mad dog and watch the sorostitues across the street get naked. and yes, the mad dog part is already in play. hurry the fuck up. i look like a loser doing this alone.
you'd think with how big her nose is she'd have a better smelling pussy..
I just febrezed the jizz on my pants and wore them again, gross or eco-friendly?
Eco-friendly.
I think call of duty has replaced my masturbating. And I'm alright with that.
I know I hit you with my car but people express love in different ways. Everyone is different.
All I kmoe is rheres a coffee pot full pf vodka in my purse
Be careful. Don't drive if your body turns into a caterpillar again.
Just found out i over drew my checking account on a 711 hot dog
Do u remember buying that
I remember eating it on the curb like a drunken hobo
I don't think that calm, have their shit together people actually exist.
The fact that it was "anything but a cup" now explains the cowboy boots and fishbowl aftermath at the apartment.
why is there a wheelchair in the hall and why does it look like we banged in it?
There's a potato with a bite taken out of it in the kitchen
If he’s halfway attractive, employed and cool with me having boytoys, I’ll marry him
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