He deleted all his profile pics with her. It was like the bat signal for single women everywhere.
Nobody knows who the hobo or dude who whipped out his balls is
Partial kegs from last night are currently in my bathtub, which leads me to 2 questions: 1. What are you doing tonight? 2. Can I use your shower?
I smell like gasoline and adventure.
please tell me you're in jail and for some reason they have wifi
Can we please get through at least one night out when you DON'T threaten to have sex with one of my parents?!?!
Someone had written "Boxmonsterette" on the bathroom wall and I just knew you'd been here.
I just had a fifteen minute conversation with a Raccoon by the garbage bin. I was feeding it chex mix.
Maybe the problem is guy has to ask his wife if he can go out to lunch with his girlfriend for an hour...
Thanks for letting me pee on your bed and cry about nothing to you. You're a real friend
I met her parents last night. Her dad smelled like weed and kept yelling "I HAVE ALLERGIES AHHH MY EYES ARE BURNING!" During dinner It had to be good weed he didn't even know he was yelling.
Some nights you just end up digging your mcdouble out of the trash and eating it. it happens.
That seems dangerous to buy acid from a stranger on craigslist
I can't decide if I miss drinking or you, they are so closely connected.
I'm either hallucinating or there is a dying cat outside my apartment....
Randomize
