I love being friends with rich people. I get laid by association.
i don't care what she did to you. we are not having sex in front of your sister.
I've been here 20 minutes and some creepy old man told me he wanted to know what my insides felt like. I hate gay bars.
Defiantly just threw away our yearly bottle collection in front of the campus tour. The school should pay me for recruitment
tuesday night obama will do an address about the oil spill at 8... it'll only be about 15 minutes... but i think thats plenty of time for a drinking game. key words "oil" "bp" and "responsibility"?
Fuck yes. Let's make bingo cards.
YOU GOT KICKED OUT OF FIVE GUYS LAST NIGHT FOR THROWING PEANUTS AT THE PEOPLE WHO WORK THERE?!
correction: escorted out
I just woke up and my mouth tastes like I licked the bathroom floor in the last ghetto bar we were in. I'm going to get my mouth checked for chlamydia. Do I see a dentist for that?
where are you?
talk to ya later, gotta sled down these stairs real quick
Is she okay?
She may want to issue revenge punches, but medically fine.
Aside from having sex with a rando in a toga on george's couch i think taking plan b in the library is the most hashtag college thing i've ever done
I got to her place and she was petting her cat and pounding vodka out of the bottle. She looked like Dr evil in yoga pants. She's nuttier than squirrell shit.
What's the polite way to tell someone she's a grown ass woman and she needs to start acting like it.
And for today's main disappontment. I thought I saw a midget with fireworks get on the buss, alas it's a child with cleaning supplies
He was referring to me as "Teenage Dream" the whole night
QUICK FAX ME THE BALL
Not how faxing works at all btw
Randomize
