Did you see 7 ppl got hurt at Talladaga?
Did they get their mullets stuck in an engine?
I wanna get so fucked up that I try to catch a coyote in a pillowcase, breakdance fight a lion, and send back some toast at Denny's when I see its slightly burnt.
I wish I had a dollar for every time I've slept off a late night I dont want to remember in my recliner.
reasons why jon gosselin is probably ur biological father: 1. ur half asian 2. hes everyones biological father 3. u wear ed hardy
sounds legit
New thing to add to the list of never wanted to talk about with my grandma: sweating in ur crouch and vag area
I woke up on a raft in a bath tub filled with beer. excellent night.
I had his cock in my mouth and he still wouldn't shut up about Star Wars.
My afternoon will now be spent googling genital warts. I think my life is over.
Responsibility: Hiding your beer when your DWI clients who are out on bond come to talk to you at bars.
Vodka?
Forever.
I woke up with a bagel in my mouth, still ate it. Free breakfast
i feel sensations at the ends of my beard. Either I am super high. Or my face has accepted my beard and I completed my transformation to Mecca
Ran up to the dollar store to get batteries for my vibrator. Happy Valentines Day!
Is 10AM too early for pizza and Dr. Pepper?
Only if 5PM is too early to be drunk. And when has that ever stopped us?
No I feel the same as usual. Mopey with a chance of bitch fits.
Randomize
