then he pulled down his pants, and i just stared for about a minute..... i was so confused. i didnt know my cat could have a bigger penis than an 18 year old man.
I blacked out the second time 3am rolled around. My brain was taking a beating trying to do that math.
At the time, making out with dudes for keg money seemed like a genius idea. Now I realize it was borderline prostitution.
I have to fuck proof my bed. It was in the middle of the room this time.
Just saw my bank statement. It literally goes liquor store pizza place liquor store pizza place bar bar bar liquor store pizza place 711 for snacks withdrawl for drugs rinse and repeat
But Alex is drunk in Philly and I told him to come see me so that's "first-love,-drunk,-high,-and-it's-a-snow-day-hook-up-with-an-ex" points. 69
I think the fact that I shit my pants, threw away my underwear in a frat bathroom, lost my socks down a drain in the front yard and still got laid... deserves some sort of a victory drink for myself or a blowjob for him since he was such a good sport.
He spent $1100 at a strip club. If I had that kind of disposable income, I'd make a cocaine sandcastle.
Got really high to see my fist college experience unfold. Too high to find my classroom but I found the McDonald's down the street
This hangover is what we deserve after that level of debauchery.
And that is why I love you so much. You have the same cold black heart as me.
You've hit rock bottom, swam around the ocean floor, and brought back silverware from the titanic.
My mom is dancing slutty on the bar I need more drinks to be ok with this
It's a race to see if I finish the bottle first or my homework
We were high and the scary movies were scaring us too bad. Were all watching porn instead now
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