You dirty dirty liar I like the way you twitter
I just walked into his bathroom to see two poops floating... no toilet paper. WTF!?
just saw bouncers outside a coffee shop. beginning to question humanity.
I hate when laundry day is determined by the number of cum stains on my bed
I managed to throw up 90 feet under water, just removed my breathing tube, puked, put it back in. All inclusive is the way to go.
my little brother just told me that I should start chasing my vodka with slim fast. genious.
possible father of this baby just finished his test first in a lecture of 200 people. other possible father finished about 100th.
I'm rooting for #1.
she wrote "need hug!" on a sticky note, put it on her back, and passed out on his bed. they're trying to figure out how she got into his room...
My professor just used the phrase "balls deep in your mind". My day is officially made.
Sorry for my penis texting you last night, I can't control what he wants at 4am.
and then we all passionately sang "what if god was one of us" until everyone passed out in the grass
You need to call dibs on the blond with the tits. It's your birthday.
Haha hell yea
Because if someone gets to see those.. It should be you. It's like God telling you Happy Birthday.
i made this one couple from ohio so uncomfortable that they left....and that was WHEN I HAD PANTS ON
she keeps dunkaroos and gatorade in her bed. yep pretty sure im in love.
No. DON'T DO IT. Friends don't let friends fuck clowns.
Randomize
