I need to have sex with someone before he does. I need to win this break up!
I envy your ability to put any word in front o the word beer and make drinking before 5 sound like a socially sanctioned event.
Call 911 I'm faking my own death so this fat chick leaves my room
Every once in a while you'd chuckle to yourself, and when I asked you what's so funny u replied "sometimes my toes tickle eachother"
Bartender just fed me brownie. Its going to be a good night
I'm a terrible friend...i should have come right over instead of having sex for an hour and a half. :/ want anything from burger king?
Woke up with two different flip flops on sum burnt at the beach. Who are these French kids plz come back
This is the Santa Claus of hangovers. It just keeps giving.
Dude! We had to write our address on your arm in permanent marker so you wouldn't get lost. You just showed the cabbie your arm and he drove you! Nice guy.
Your boobs stole my birthday thunder!
Nothing but goodness could come from two friends getting naked. Think of all the good advice and other things we could give to each other.
Side note: I just realized that I can make my hand warmers double as a heated push up bra.
Fuck this. I'm adopting 12 cats and naming them after the 12 disciples. Maybe Jesus will have sympathy for me then.
Its not something you can force it it just has to happen like a rainbow or pooping
Last time i cooked this high i tried to makw bacon amd then burned myselfbon the grill, only to realize 25min latwr when the bacon wouldnt cook that the grill wasn't on. I IMAGINED the burn.
Randomize
