i kept saying "bloody hell" in a ron weasley accent until i forcibly told myself to shut up
i'm home, then i'll come over
ightttt gangstaaaaaaaaaaaa
nvm.
ok think of it like jelly beans. if you can learn to like the licorice ones, youll always have lots of them because no one else wants them. its the same with fat chicks
i just lost my virginity over my 3 hour lunch break..
u hav a 3 hour lunch break?!
i like how the length of my lunch break is the thing that phases u
I just puked in my fish tank. Helloooooo summer.
He's only a freshman and he needs to expirence shit like that..
YOU would be the Freshman Expirence
The used rubbers I threw behind her bed all semester must have landed on the baseboard heater. They went up in smoke when she turned on the heat last night.
He's the kind you'd bring home and you'd wake up and all your food would be half eaten on the kitchen floor and all your socks would be missing.
Just be happy that you're the pretty friend. Otherwise you would have had to walk home alone, like me.
I was wondering how I got the burn marks on my boobs and then I remembered....
The baked potato bra?
I'm not gonna lie. The only reason I haven't drank a whole bottle of crown tonight is because we only had 3/4 of a bottle left.
Look, sometimes you have to snapchat a topless photo of yourself in the middle of class just to prove you can. I can and I did. End of argument.
You, me, naked, mistletoe, fifth of jack, gallon of lube, condoms, Cheetos, handcuffs, rope, along with no morals, inhibition or judgment. That's all I want for Christmas.
Some guy named spider just bought me 5 shots
the cop asked if i was drunk and i responded with "breathalize me, cap'n". incidentally, he was a captain and i blew a .13.
Randomize
