I just put lube in Matt's bellybutton. He looks unhappy.
you have to choose: penises or morals?
I'm always impressed by your drunken ability to quickly gauge how long it's been since you've shaved and whether or not your prospective hook up will care.
Just heard an advertisement for 40 proof chocolate milk. We may never have to grow up
She's grinding on a deaf black man and I'm the interpreter.
Make sure you take the apple pie out of your pocket before you pass out.
Why does She think it's her duty to welcome in freshman through the welcome mat that is her vagina
You lured him into the bathroom with a trail of jello shots, then proceeded to barricade the door with duct tape. You really should have thought that one through..
that's just what you get for learning massage techniques from gay porn
Tell me when you get here. I'm drinking beer in the bushes next to your house, and I put my hoodie up because I was cold. Pretty sure everyone lowkey thinks i'm homeless.
You, me, naked, mistletoe, fifth of jack, gallon of lube, condoms, Cheetos, handcuffs, rope, along with no morals, inhibition or judgment. That's all I want for Christmas.
I just had to explain to an 70+ year old lady what 'coitus' was. This was not in my job description.
So it turns out strippers do encores if enough people yell. Encore song: Self Esteem.
Its mothers day... Can my present be an orgasm...for once?
Tonight was a total waste of a shaved vagina
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