just saw a guy throwing up in the urinal at Dennys. Either he had one hell of last night or we are going to eat somewhere else
I have decided today is drunk costume day. That is, i woke up still drunk and found costumes all over my floor. Heck yes. This is happening. Come over. Drink.
did we decide the 'sorry about the threesome' cake was too flippant?
I woke up with a half eaten bag of lettuce in my hand, wearing my Halloween costume from last year. Damn you tequila.
If you end up at a gay bar on a tuesday night in steelers pjs, does that mean youve hit rock bottom?
I need to stop drinking alone, I wrote a love letter to my tattoos
I'm concerned that this blind man on the bus has a boner right now
I would steal a car if I knew it had wheat thins in it
is it necessary to steal the whole car?
my mom tried to talk to me about my drinking, i somehow turned it around on her, now shes going to AA and I'm going to the bar.
well i don't NEED my liver but it's nice to have one when you're trying to have a good time
I can't believe I'm giving you play by plays of this sexting convo. It's like a three way he doesn't know about.
Did you know that pizza hut has a wedding proposal box? And sorry for being kinda drunk yesterday when you got here
I witness him finger a girl behind the dj decks yet I'm still going to meet up with him. Wtf is my life
It makes me feel all patriotic & free... And borderline diabetic.
I gave up great shower sex to be here so don't say I never did anything for our friendship.
Randomize
