I find it ironic that homeless people are so good in bed
MY DAD AND I ARE ON OUR WAY OUT OF FLORENCE AND I JUST SAW A MAN AT A BUS STOP WITH A GIMP HAND SLAP HIS DAUGHTER ACROSS THE FACE WITH IT.
Do you think royal wedding drunk calls for wine or tequila?
It's gotten to the point that the dirty talk in my head when I touch myself has your accent
tonight were gonna drink champagne and watch girls put themselves in awkward position
We got naked and peed in the garden. Something about bonding with our new house
just had sex in my dorm hall public bathroom while wearing my favorite cat sweater. tonight was a win
So, just saw a lady hysterically sobbing in a Walmart at 3 AM. Someone's not having a happy mother's day.
I asked her if she could eat some Doritos so when we made out it would taste awesome
BABE I MISS YOU SO MUCH LIKE THE SADNESS OVERWHELMS BONER ABILITY
Crust to egg proportion prescribes to a pedantic form of quiche. It's like saying breakfast pizza isn't pizza at all.
New guy moved in the apartment next door. He's a combat vet, 6'4", Adonis body and going to med school. My vagina is chewing thru the wall as we speak.
I'm still alive btw, in case you were worried about my well being.
Was picked up in the middle of a bar full of people...apparently I'm not tall enough to reach for drunken makeouts. I'm proud of myself.
Dick pics just aren’t doing it for me, this bowl of Mac n cheese and Game of Thrones trump you tenfold
Randomize
