i'm almost one hundred percent positive that i have a warrant out for my arrest in this city. i also don't give a fuck because im drinking TEQUILAAAA
She told me at midnight she would blow me harder than a new years party kazoo
New game: find the sober person in Tbell
That's fuckin bs. I had the bouncers beat by 30 yards til that dumbshit on the moped stopped in front of me.
I'm fighting fire with fire. When my parents interrogate me about what I was doing last night, I tell them the truth. Every disgusting, awkward detail. I'm 23 now and they need to get used to it.
Apparently, my drunken 3AM idea of safety is to send a GPS map of my location to someone 700 miles away. Seriously considering death as a viable alternative to this hangover. Death or Yuengling.
I'll do a soapy photo shoot for you in the shower. No loofas, though. Once you get one of those caught in your nipple ring, you never go back.
These are all good points. But, I think your under estimating what it's like to be held upside down for a standing 69
Out of all the things you could eat off of my tits you choose lettuce? Thats so healthy. Yuck.
Well, that's not my fault. I make decisions all the time when I'm drunk.
He told me that he wants to fuck me only wearing a princess tiara...How could I possibly say no to that?
I'm covered in jizz and the toll booth lady knew it
You poured all their beer into ziploc baggies so it would be "better on the go"
If you have been drunk at one point during the day and are going to bed sober that same day, something is very wrong.
Of course he did! You’ve seen my tits, you know he didn’t stand a chance!
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