remind me tomorrow that nothing happen between me and the guy who's shirt i'm wearing
Henry's handball, Tiger Wood's Car Crash, Roger Federer losing ... That's it....I'm throwing my Gillete away
when she asked me if it was possible to swim under north america i knew it was time to leave.
At least you weren't that one girl in the bar that was letting everyone draw on her in sharpie. Worst decision I've ever witnessed.
I positioned my bed perfectly so around 10 a.m. every morning there are rays of sunshine coming through the window in my room. Now i can tan while PTFO.
he opened the microwave and beer cans poured out
im almost positive that in mid thrust she told me she was pro choice
I can hear my parents having sex. I REPEAT. I CAN HEAR MY PARENTS HAVING SEX! THIS IS NOT A DRILL!
Your mom is 55 and has MS. To be honest, I'm proud of her, and you should be too, bitch.
I drunkenly took 3 laxatives last night since I felt fat.... this is going to be a rough morning
Last night I was just holding this kitten up to my face for like ten minutes telling it that it couldn't be real
I don't care if my next phone has to run on the blood of virgin koala bears, I don't want to be scrambling for a charger.
It was 3 am when she drunkenly tried to deep-fry a banana.
How'd she do that?
Dipping my sugar cookies in a glass of fireball and creme soda. This is holiday spirit
I can't be held responsible for another man's penis.
So... Sorry we took your wife to the strip club last night... And sorry we bought her that lap dance... I think you're getting closer to your dream of a threesome, though.
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