Let's just be mature adults about last night and never speak of it again.
two words: fractured penis. two more: emergency room.
I just found out my favorite drunk show, Repo Men, is just reenactments. I can't express through words my disappointment.
you think she would figure it out that ever dude that fucks her is just doing it bc they are in a contest to bang the fattest girl
I'm either watching Fifth Element or Hotel Rwanda. There's black people and white people and high life tall boy 18 packs are $11.99 so I could be watching my own hand. I have no idea.
I should start riding the bus again so I can drink all day
Off topic, but is it sad that Matthew and I are calculating how much sex we need to have in order to work off a taco bell burrito?
Actually, what with the curvature of the Earth, it's faster to leave from Washington. And Google maps recommends kayaking instead of swimming.
Just the amount of girls he locked himself in my room woth says your gonna have to take a cab bro. I don't think he's going anywhere
He seems like a super lonely dude. I bet if I gave him a picture of my tits he wouldn't make me turn in this paper.
I had sex while you were puking this morning and I'm sorry. Kind of.
It's ok. I had sex while you were drunk crying last night. We're even.
Do you know how fucking great a bath bomb is when you're high?
I gotta stop fucking the bouncers. We are running out of bars to go to.
I got pull-out-my-nuvaring-drunk last night.
You looked at the bouncer while you pissed on the front door of the bar and said...who the fuck are you?
Randomize
