I've realized that you're the only friend i can rely on to drink with me any given day. i thank you for that.
Just walked in and was handcuffed to a police woman. Fire fighter woman poured franzia down my throat. Aaaaand I just ate cookies off of Little Red Riding Hood's tits.
Its not christmas eve unless I give him head. I wont take no for an answer
he proceeded to grab my vagina through my leggings in the middle of the dance floor. strangely enough I was okay with it
Now accepting hypotheses about how i managed to get a bruise between my boobs....
Just caught my first cougar this fake was worth every fucking penny.
We are doing handstands and somersaults in the pool. With an inflatable beer pong table and our regular beer pong table. We're ponging by land and by sea
Sorry I forced you to take an adderall at 1am and then proceeded to dance to Lose Yourself outside of Qdoba.
Just found a g string in our driveway, wtf happened this weekend?
By the way, just opened the browser on my phone for the first time today... And it was it the "images" section of "who invented ass fucking"
So thanks for that
So how did it go?
I'm not sure if it was all the eggnog or all the alcohol, but hosting an eggnog pong tournament was a mistake.
The fake number she gave me was for Pappa John's. Now I have a large pepperoni on the way.
his first act of 2015 was getting stabbed
I'm so festive that I used my jack o lantern bucket as a just in case barf bin
I just compared my relationship to that double ended dong scene from Requiem. This day just took a turn.
Randomize
