I'm at this poker game and this kid to my left is bragging about all the chicks he hits including a "playboy model" when all of a sudden this 22 guy looks him in the eye and says "ever fuck a 70 woman. The things they can and are willing to do" Next think the whole table is quiet for an hour. That guys my hero...
There are traffic cones in the living room. One of them is yours.
Supposedly i was taking multiple birth control pills while screaming dot judge me. Never going back
Only way we know if he truly fits in is if we spill straight vodka on the floor and his first instinctnis to lick it up. Otherwise, gameover.
NEVERCLEAR, NEVER AGAIN.
Best part of having a window in your office is that you can leave through it when you shit your pants at work.
I'm about to punish you for sending me a Snapchat of your boyfriend's morning wood
She's been with the dude for a week saying she's in love. Yeah so am I. I just opened this beer 5 minutes ago and I LOVE IT ALREADY.
Also I've come to learn that "type" and "fetish" are different things. Apologies for earlier confusion.
I don't even have his number. I have his pants tho
I left at 4:30 in the morning and I told him it was because I had to take my contacts out
Update: I just threw up in between cars in the parking lot of magic kingdom.
I'm going to confession for the first time in 6 years. Where do I start, the gay sex or rampant alcoholism?
She asked what a chaser is. I died a little inside, please come back..
hey can you send me that pic of that dude?...if this isn't Rochelle's phone...can you please find and tell Rochelle to send me that picture of that dude?
Randomize
