my roommates friend slept in my bed when i was out of town..she ran out screaming cause she saw my VCR
you know i think I know why you are single...because you are real cute but then you open your mouth and let words come out and all goes to hell.
Kanye's agent is the only person whose job sucks worse than mine.
i officially have more pictures of his dick than pictures of us together
A homeless man just asked me if I had seen any "nekkid chicks with heineken bottles run by"
Berkeley was the right choice
There's a guy here who is improvising his own shadow dance on a table against the wall, in case you're wondering how my night is going
He's thawing a cheesecake on his stomach. We're that high.
I have this rep as a wingman for a reason. I'm like a poon caddy. "You might want to use a 9 iron on this hole. "
I'm just like... Utterly amazed that we're still alive at this point. Who'da thunk it....
For what it's worth, I didn't think that hitting you with a crowbar as hard as I did would break your arm like that. You should drink more milk.
You spent like 10 minutes trying to hit a golf ball that was actually a cigarette butt. And then fell over.
I keeping finding meatballs in random places
Is there anything more American than getting day drunk and watching Hulk Hogan promos?
We found out if you get Ben high but stay sober yourself he is an AWESOME cook. You need to get your ass down here, this goes against everything I know to be real.
also. got fucked to usher last night. dunno if thats a new high or a new low
Was it at least a good usher song?
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