what if I'm pregnant?
smusmorshion
maybe you should take the dick out of your mouth before you start talking.
i did. i'm using it as a microphone.
New invention idea: vibrating tampons
I was too high to figure out which of the three doors would lead me to my classroom, so i sat down in the middle of the hallway and ate a twinkie.
he was so high, he talked to my goldfish for an hour telling him the dangers of overfeeding.
do you know how scary it is to wake up in a CATSCAN machine after a night of drinking?
I'm coming over to use your dick. I need to take my aggression out on something. Hope that's cool.
His dick was poking my bladder. That big...
Running errands with mom, cool. Coming to pleasures with mom for her valentines night, not ever in a million years cool.
Balls deep in an Orange is the New Black marathon. Bring food and drugs.
what is considered shitting yourself?
Like my underwear wasn't soiled, but there was definitely a departure from my asshole.
just saw two eagle scouts making out in chic-fil-a
Considering what happened last night and how horrible I feel, I look amazing
I woke up this morning to pee and six dollar bills fell out of my underwear. I guess that lap dance just bought me lunch.
The cards I get dealt on tinder now are karma for fucking a married man while I was in high school.
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