then she said "on the count of three I think we should apologize to eachother"
She said that I needed to "pregame her so it can slip right in."
a small fire erupted but we put it out with a can of beer so everything's fine
my vagina has been out of service for wayy too long... this semester needs to start like right now
Okay, just a casual question: how did i manage to get grass stains on the inside of my bra?
Sudden memory flashback: drunk me outside ripping my tampon out and throwing it into the neighbors yard, silently cheering 'time for sexxxx'. I sense a dangerous pattern emerging
I'm doing the Macarena naked in my living room right now
I see you're taking unemployment seriously.
Know what was probably a bad idea? Using white wine as a mixer for vodka.
Told some guy to hold your weave while you "tried" to kick his girlfriends ass...
I'm still questioning who dropped me off last night. So successful wedding?
We were like one big happy Eskimo family.
Also I think I set a new personal record. Definitely slept with him less than 45 minutes after meeting him. Oh god my life.
DRUNK COOKIES
Are you drunk or are the cookies drunk or are these cookies that get you drunk?
Yes
I hate when pretentious people talk bad ab corn dogs
In hindsight I shouldn't have been blasting Antichrist Superstar if I didn't want to seem suspicious driving up to a Catholic church
Randomize
