You did that once after drunk driving from a photo shoot
That was very cool/italian of you
Which brings me to my next point, how come italians are so well adapted to drunk driving
he looked like jesus. just the kind of jesus i would have sex with.
In an effort to go green, I just used rainwater to fill my bong.
Dude, I don't care how big her tits are. I have to dump her. She shit in my shower.
You drunk dialed me talking about the stages of mitosis. There is no way you didn't ace your bio final
We fucked on top of all of our English papers in celebration of the semester ending.
Come outside. The vendor wants to go out strong tonight! Russian hooker interviews. Don't ask. We leave in 3 minutes.
he said good things come in small packages and I decided to hook up with someone else
Using a 12 year old as a wingman. Does that make me a bad person?
Due to certain anatomical proportions it was less like fucking and more like childbirth.
Crap I still need to get you a wedding gift. I'm just gonna give you a bag full of cash, lube, and condoms. And I'll use furry handcuffs instead of ribbon to tie the gift bag handles together.
So the bitch asked me if I wanted the name brand or the generic contraceptive. Does it look like I want to be generically pregnant?
Just made a beer run. At 9am. In my pjs. I should not be graduating today
When I die I just want my headstone to my name, date of birth-death, and TEQUILA!!
I had a drinkin contest with a person that didnt exsist, fuck withdrawl day
Hold on are you sure that we dont have another roommate?
Yes.
Randomize
