Im at a party and this guy hitting on me just showed me his 'caution choking hazard' tattoo right above his penis. There goes any chance he had of getting laid tonight.
needless to say, I hope she has to get an abortion again
How do you have time to get laid so much in law school?
I like to set goals for myself. for example, he was my first libertarian
Yeah he's still asleep. I washed the blender out. He tried to make a ham-shake. Lets wait until after break to have that talk. I kind of want to see where this goes.
My google searches from last night: tetanus shot rabbit bite, Bacardi gluten free
I am too young to be this hungover
Is this your way of saying you want a sober 19th?
You stood outside his house all night throwing your sister's leftover Easter eggs and singing 'now you're just somebody that I used to blow'
got blackout drunk at the conference and wandered around Minneapolis with a homeless person until one of the other interns found me...I think I'm ready for adulthood.
That birthday blow job you ordered came in the mail today. I suggest you hurry home.
I was just laughing and almost crying after I orgasmed, and then almost crying because I was laughing so hard. That's new.
Does he think you're psycho?
Officially...... yes.
Every time I see him I get horny. I can't help it!
Just stop. You're making other wives look bad. We are all starting to hate you.
My fuck buddy is great and all, but it gets weird when she gets in arguments with her BF in the driveway
I immediately regret the tequila decision.
Jessica just ate her lipstick. That's how the night is going
Stop letting me drink while doing my makeup. I think I used sharpie for eyeliner.
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