And then I said "flip over. I want to show you something i learned in Afghanistan."
Dude, way to rack up $80 in pornos in the hotel room last night, and not tell me before I got blindsided at check out.
Heh. Guess I ordered some porno last night. Heh.
My astrological sign? Vagitarius.
She made fun of how I walked so I announced to her boyfriend that I have cum on her face before.
then she made me sanitize my hands before fingering her...i may have found my soulmate
chinese tourists just took a picture of me....im pretty sure i heard the bus drive say something about shame.
spotted: something called the tunnel of opression. i feel like if we patricipated we wouldnt even be phased or we could run it better than them
Ya. I wonder how much being a beard for a major league baseball player pays. This could be a lucrative arrangement...
there is a guy passed out on top of me and i don't know what to do. help if you're awake? was anyone anyone expecting someone? maybe he found the wrong room?
I guess? According to Jeff his mom is wondering when the grand babies will arrive. So I don't think they like ME so much as my supposed functioning uterus
Nooo, I ran into two if my exes, both having their engagement parties at the bar. It was like a fucking Eskimo family reunion, but with more tequila.
SERIOUSLY WHY DOES EVERYONE INSIST THAT THEY NEED TO SEE MY BOOBS
Because there's a shortage of perfect breasts in this world. You should start charging for viewings.
Having Father’s Day on Pride weekend is always so awkward. “Hey dad just calling to say I love you.” While I’m navigating my way through a pop up pool at a bar riding a penis floatie. Happy Father’s Day.
so i might have slept on your bathroom floor last night...
If work found out I was using THEIR paper to write Karate Kid fanfic I'd never hear the end of it.
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