So ignoring my calls doesnt work if you update your facebook a minute later.
I fucked your brother... Hey, at least we know he is not gay... You're welcome.
your love of good penises attached to ugly faces is disgusting and slightly disturbing.
i woke up to something itchy on my head. it was his mustache. he fell asleep face-plant style on the side of my head. WTF?
Did you pour a hundred fucking pounds of sand in my car last night?
lol... you weighed it?
I told the guy that if he didn't put enough pepperoni to earn the name " pepperoni feast", that I was gonna sue him for all he had. Believe it or not, that's all I remember.
Just had ice cream and a blow job come together in one glorious, defining moment.
Someone came into our hotel room and took our remote
What should I do?
I told him I felt we were at the point where if I saw him talking to another girl, I'd probably choke him out. So I guess you could say things are getting serious.
i woke up this morning put my hand under the pillow and there was a banana there
of fours songebofy did dknt stop believing
how legible are my texts
I've officially slept through a hurricane, a tornado and had sex during an earthquake. I'm surviving.
The reason why I poison my organs is so that you guys can't sell them.
Im drunk taking pregnancy tests with this really hot girl...i dont know what is happening
I didn’t say it was classy, I said it was sexy
Randomize
