i wish you could fill a pinata with booze
He's doing the 1:45AM lap: he goes around the bar, finds the hottest crying girl 15 minutes before close, and brings her home. I would feel bad for the girls if it wasn't such incredible genius.
DDing is such a bittersweet job, just got the entire history of this girls hookup career
You talked the cab driver into taking a shot from your flask at a red light because "Ray Charles would want him to"
I asked him why I was having sex with him in the middle of having sex. It was sufficiently awkward.
I wore a bird inflatable and still got laid. So there's that.
So many gingers... It's like a beacon went out that said "this one is ok with red hair"
No. You don't want this. When I threw up last night, it was so intense I went blind for about 3 seconds.
I owe you an apology, I was appointed captain of this sexy fuckship and I fell asleep at the helm.
In another note. Thanks for making me get a vibrator. For real.
Don't tell me you're on acid again
I don't care how hot she was. She didn't like Scooby Doo and I don't fuck with that.
These rednecks don't fuck around. This party is completely BYOB and we now have 6 kegs, 3 of which have already been emptied.
We need to get walkie talkies for when we're drunk so if we are at different parties or lost we can talk
ps why does my dog smell like popcorn and a dryer sheet..?
Randomize
