fuck, i think i'm broken. Alchyhol air mattress = the suck.
I'm praying to Jesus, Allah, Buddah,and the whole gang tonight that I'm not pregnant
I just found out me and my parents buy from the same drug dealer.
you should get a family discount.
how are pickles made is in the google history again... why do you always wonder that, and forget the answer?
i just opened a seperate checking account to keep track of how much i make and spend on our keggers
She refused to give me a hand job while we were watching a war movie saying she didn't wanna disrespect the soldiers
I'm not sure if doing him was such a good idea. Yes the sex was good, but I'm scared I set myself up for failure in 2011 because he's the hottest guy. Ever.
WHY IS EVERY MAN IN THIS CITY GAY? IS IT SO BAD TO WANT TO BE TREATED LIKE A PIECE OF SHIT BY A REALLY HOT STRAIGHT MAN FOR A NIGHT?
...But it's not like we would be the first people to pay for an abortion with student loans and cell phone rebates.
That is the best grammar in a dirty text ever. Excellent use of the semi-colon. And yes; I am hard.
In her drunkenness, she packed a bag with tequila, two shot glasses, salt, a knife, and two pears. She was prepared but too high to distinguish pears from limes.
When was the last time you made a good decision when you could've made a shitty one
I had a salad today
Screwed a girl without a condom but hey at least you got your veggies
2016 was supposed to be my year of being a ho, but I guess 2017 might be too.
he drove over two hours to fuck me and came in 3 minutes. he got mad when I asked him if it was worth it...
Don't EVER mix a flaming shot, with a Jello shot.. As good as it sounds flaming Jello is not a good idea
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