They should make a Rosetta Stone that allows men to understand what the fuck women are actually trying to say.
I fucked her on my hockey bag. it doesnt get any more Canadian than that.
theres so much semen in my vacuum cleaner...
I know I'm not the first to fuck in a park but i deserve props for doing it at 3pm. On a sunny day might I add.
he tried to do a one handed cartwheel to showoff but knocked himself out cold. fuckin jagerbombs will kill that man.
Beer and cheesecake and spinning in cirlcles why did you let me do this to myself
I feel like our relationship should have moved on from you constantly asking if I'm gay
Two ladies just showed up with my fucking purse. It was in the fucking street. I'm a train wreck. As a financial advisor, this shouldn't happen. I should be an adult.
I have bruises all over my body. Seriously, I'm a train wreck. I'm too damn old for hangovers like this.
I'm a complete klutz, especially when I get excited. I pee a lot too. I'm like a puppy except I don't pee in the floor.
Why is my car covered in what appears to be salsa verde?
3 2 1 whiskey
Note to self: Never spend $8 on a liter of rum again
Yes. He better. Or I will shave a penis into his beard while he sleeps.
You just kept mumbling about the carpet being covered in stains that looked like the face of God. Until you decided that they were closer in relation to Dumbledore.
I blacked out and when I woke up and looked at the counter.. there was a full cake upside down. I dont even understand ...
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