One night stand!! Now I'm pissing excellence
That burning is chlamydia
Pro tip: Don't start playing Bejeweled on Facebook while waiting for your Adderall to kick in. Unless you have the next 9 hours free.
Corey Haim died. 80's me is so sad
Does making ice cubes at 4 in the morning count as being productive?
I just slow jerked to the titanic theme song, i dont think theres enough alcohol in the state to get me over her tonight
Give me one reason I shouldn't put the phrase "sex emotions" into my essay.
No.
I was like a migrating bird last night. Navigating on pure instinct. Don't remember how... but I made it home.
Can I come over? I respect you, but I want disrespectful things to happen
Chicks, chicks everywhere, and not a drop to drink. Dude, when did real life lesbians get HOT?
It was easier that asking where the vagina platter is.
My goal is to be drunk before we even get out of the No Wake Zone.
I want to conceive our bastard child on an athletic field. Why can't we make this happen?
He's stripped out of his boxers and is dancing and slapping his dick with string cheese...I don't know whether to call for help or take a video.
Dude, my back STILL hurts from carrying the team on BP last night.
It's not even noon yet and I just fucked my professor's son in the psych lab..it's gonna be a great day.
Randomize
