I want to take you away to a place of dolphin rides and hot stone massages.
There really should be an "avoid ghetto" option on my GPS.
Midgets have it so easy. They have so much less leg area to shave.
all she kept saying was "harder" "mayo" and "who are you"
I dare you try and top an Eiffel tower full of Margarita
When you put it that way it sounds like my vagina is a parking garage to be monitored by security guards
I woke up in the ER. This living like theres no tomorrow really could mean theres no tomorrow.
We were messing around at his place it was going fine until he said, "I'm going to cum, hand me the shot glass"
I feel as though sleeping all day due to the effects of prescription painkillers paid for by union insurance made this the most American day ever for me
I also found a beer label in my bra and I'm pretty sure you put it there and said "this means I trust you"
I'm just gonna get real fat and join the circus.
No matter how drunk I am or how drunk I'll ever be I love you
I'd like to have a moment of silence for all the dicks she's broken off
someone commented on last weekends photos impressed that so many homeless people wanted to take pictures with us. weird that those "homeless people" are our friends... right?
Dude it's unhealthy how much I love vagina in my face
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