dude you apologized to her after she called you stupid. you were like "no i'm sorry, you shouldn't have to be around stupid people, it's my fault"
I bet you think you're really funny for switching my line of coke with a line of protein powder.
He kept falling asleep with the pizza in his hand. I woke him up and told him and he was shocked because he thought he ate it all. Then he would end up falling asleep and we'd repeat the whole process again.
I think I may have walked up to her while she was with her friends and asked for a "do over".
We're using joints as your birthday candles
Wear whatever you want, I'm wearing ass-less chaps and a sombrero
Dropping the entire last roll of TP into the toilet is a hurt you don't want to know.
Just try not to burn your pubes off with sparklers this year.
No promises
Jesus, you make out with one twin then sleep with the other and suddenly they don't want to play soccer with you... So sensitive...
I would pay to watch a Bravo special of you getting Botox.
Yeah, nothing like barfing into a grocery bag you just put dog shit into.
Like the friend zone has no room for winks
So apparently Facebook just randomly finds the girl who gave me a hard handy despite having no mutual friends...
Wanna meet at the diner for breakfast? all I've eaten in the past 24 hours is glitter and penis. starvingg.
So, I gotta figure when the nurses at the emergency room noticed my new hair cut it means I'm there too often, right?
Randomize
