I gave up sex with dolphins for you.
Did you know nanny-cams work just as well for recording that blow job on the sofa?
New requirements. My future husband must have a nose ring and wear headbands.
We are no longer friends.
i need gas-x and some way to take back every single thing i did last night.
i woke up next to the toilet with a chipped tooth, somebody elses shirt on, and a random guys id in my pocket
Grad practice is like a live scrapbook of my drunken sexual encounters
so the good news is that i can't possibly burn my eyelashes off tonight at the bbq.
we should probably just go check in at the police station right now
His dick looks just like him, taller than average, thick, and somehow always angry.
The majority of the reason I want to get my pilot's license is so I can use the argument "FUCK YOU! I'M A PILOT!"
Literally just inhaled three cinnamon rolls. Sara is staring. It was inhuman
Yeah bc that's when u should take a Molly. At a house party with everyone from ur hometown
Fuck I think I want to but I don't think I should. Caught between should and wanting.
just follow your vagina
Quote of the day.
Also, we can't be seen together looking suspicious or sexually satisfied
You laid on the floor and pet their rug. and then demanded Voss water.
Randomize
