what are you wearing?
Just my guilt
I'm so hungover And my mouth is so dry it feels like my tongue is wearing a sweater
if you don't go to jail tommorow I'll buy you a 40. Motivation.
I didn't know it was possible to throw up mid-sneeze.
he just wrote my ten page research paper for tit pics. i love my boobs.
I'm at work, still drunk. Can you turn on the radio? If the station goes off the air I passed out. Can't get fired. Haven't slept yet.
so he woke up after being passed out and yelled that he had brought back moon rocks for everybody...
I need to make a 'no kissing' rule for my casual hookups during cold season...this cold is so not worth it.
Upperdeckered the toilet. Took sombrero off, drawing too much heat. Witnessed glassing. In bush, come findme.
Its funny how you denied every part of the text except " you hate fat ppl"
ya she's here .. it looks like she just gave up and passed out on the floor
I worked hard to give you that boner. No one else should get to enjoy it!
In the world of sexual, erotic texting, you rank somewhere between "how much teeth do you want" and "how dry do you want it"
Pretty much just farted directly in a baby's mouth on the subway
I told her I wanted to go swimming and she responded with jello shots, taking off her clothes, and jumping into the pool...I think I'm in love
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