i just realized how high i was when i was screaming red light challenge at the top of my lungs and am watching it alone
I woke up this morning and was hoping we drank enough last night to have a unicorn drawn on my wrist. Good News: We did.
Just did the walk of shame across state lines...milestone?
When i tried to give you something that wasn't tequila...like water....you kept saying it was against your religion.
I've always been the spiritual type.
Don't worry I drank 7 more beers & brought home a guy that bit me at the bar.
I just peed in a flower pot on the veranda while crying and holding a drink
it's like I can see my whorish nature reflected back at me in his wedding ring.
I asked what you thought of her and you replied not the biggest I have had
After we had sex he made me watch a Top Gun highlight video...
My most recent midlife crisis involved eating a doughnut in 30 seconds but taking 5 minutes to do half a shot of whiskey, then deciding I wasn't going to finish it.
There's a guy masturbating in front of Sephora right now
On my way to return shoes I bought so that I can afford to buy a pregnancy test. Is this adulthood?
He got me to hold his phone, wallet, keys and pants while he hooked up with another girl.
Not my lover. I would rather lose all my teeth, and I fucking love my teeth.
Btw you guys passed out eating DP dough and watching Pocahontas... on a monday
it was stoner heaven..
Randomize
