I'm at a Mexican Walmart. Wish you were here.
I have to get up uber early tomorrow. Which is why I started drinking early today
Bad news: I had to be at work at 7:15. Good news: no one had used the bathroom yet so I got to defile a freshly cleaned stall
lesson #67 learned in college: a three day old margarita, is still a margarita.
your cum blends into my yellow sheets :/
My mom walked down and caught me drinking by myself, watching the nanny at 3:30AM. I had no idea what to say
If you didn't damage your room so much from fucking so hard we would have got more of our security deposit back
I resent that
Vodka shot parachutes
Fucking utilizing a thrid story dorm room
I've been at work 30 min broke a paper towel holder a chair set a box on fire and fell down twice. Hungover Brian just reached a new level
i knew it was love when she pulled a beer out from between her boobs and offered it to me
That's probably why white girls drink so much espresso. Piledriving coke and vodka crans takes a fucking toll man
i want george washington to fuck me as hard as he can holy shit
I just need a big sign that says no more penis please hanging over my head at all times
I'm so horny right now but I JUST put my fuckin lasagna in the oven
My toothbrush tastes like captain morgan
I'm jealous
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