so the chest pain/shortness of breath/overdose guy we just took to tm hospital is now running down market street from the police in a gown holding his iv.
how could I be having a bad time, I have the three most important things in life: Goat cheese, Xanax, and Saved By the Bell Re-runs.
i think the next time he gets me off i'm going to scream bangarang
ru fi oooo
don't look now, but that cross eyed girl is staring at you... and me.
can we please take bets on how much therapy you'll need in the future?
should my penis look like a turkey
She keeps referring to it as an "us" Either she is seriously mistaken on what fuck buddies are or she learned another meaning of the word "us"
I do remember getting hit in the face by an ugly one because she thought I was blowing on her butthole.
I'll send you the picture of you double fisting vodka bottles, grinding one guy and making out with another... Every girl wanted to be you.. You make me so proud!
Nm. Exausted and my teeth just fell out again
I played "in the air tonight" on a drum set made of titties, and I'm not even exaggerating
I used my tears to chase my tequila. You could say I rallied.
I told her I was dressed as a gag reflex judge.....she won, literally hands down.
Woke up this morning with a darth vader helmet and a bath robe on with my toenails shitly painted
learning about efficiency and effectiveness in an administration seminar. real world application: walking across the street to the pub on break to shotgun a beer.
Randomize
