Why would you say my penis is small in front of so many people?
I wish his dick was as long as his hair.
All I heard was "You have collect call from Lafayette Parish Jail for Dude it was awesome! I'll tell you about it later!"
Did you know that if you hit someone in the head with a frozen loaf of bread you can knock them unconscious?
I'm at this kids house trying to figure out if I pissed in his kitchen new years eve. Lmao, stop letting me drink.
The guy you fucked with the lazy eye is here, im avoiding contact by texting you. But i just looked up and he recognizes me, theres no way he doesnt. I'd remember the girl who called me quasimodo all night too. Sober me feels so bad.
My mom now keeps ice cubes on hand for my bong water. We may be able to work this relationship out.
Cause a man that looks THAT good must have an ass that tastes like lucky charms
Just used the handle end of a spatula to get the baggie of coke wedged between my passenger seat. Innovation points?
Dude, fate has brought her to your penis.
Speaking of which.. there's underwear in my backseat and Arby's cheese sauce on my door handle. So much for my new Volvo bringing out my classy side.
as a side note pls kill me
He walked in on me masturbating and on my phone but got mad because I wasn't watching porn just tweeting
I passed out in your bed last night...there maybe a snickers and twix bar under your pillow
IT WAS A FUCKING ELEPHANT I SWESR!!!!!
Nathan, I haven't spoken to you in 12 years and it's 6am. Kindly fuck off.
Randomize
