I dont wanna date her. I just wanna be able to run a blacklight over her face and prove ownership.
I saw a seagull swallow a hot-dog whole today, it reminded me of you.
Wow. Thanks for becoming another fan of something on Facebook. You make me want to gouge my eyes out.
you are getting stockholm syndrome from your pubes
Judging by the crutches in the living room I take it you two are fine and we aren't going out tonight?
Thank god the bicycalist i hit was on drugs
i hope this doesn't spoil anything but there are vikings and it is awesome
What should we drink tonight, I'm in the mood to be judged
I might not remember all of last night but I clearly remember the part where I humped the mailbox.
At the start of the night I was all 'come at me universe' and three hours later I was ordering an extra large pizza in bed in the dress I had gone out in. Well played universe.
My new hobby is moving his stuff to random places in the house. Good luck making a smoothing at 6:30 in the morning, the blender top's in the dog food container
I told her it would be awesome. We are all the same people. One of us would always be drunk, one of us would always be hooking up, and one of us would always be crying into a pancake.
She got engaged last night. I don't think you should ask her out man.
First morning at school this semester and I threw up in a bush during my walk of shame.
Thanks for listening. You're the first guy I've ever worked with who I didn't want to fuck.
Randomize
