Coffee flavored vodka sounded like such a good idea at the time. Now i never want to drink coffee again.
I want someone to please me without me having to show him steps 1 through 5
He just asked me if his big had a curved penis. Awkward? I think so.
the liquor store lady asked about three times if I was sure about buying two fifths of everclear. i told her I wanted to be on cops
Halloween has nothing on dressing up as as the INS on cinco de mayo
Reading in my econ of energy textbook about the US' largest oil spill from the 1990's.. guess i can't sell this one back either
Its funny how you denied every part of the text except " you hate fat ppl"
Its only fair we share our golden vaginas with the world. It would be selfish if we didn't.
When they say "all expenses paid" does that include bail?
The kid across the hall found me in the hallway using a hot pocket box as a pillow. I said its okay I live here.
I had to make out with him. He bought me a few drinks and he was an Angels fan. As a Yankee fan that was my way of saying good game and sorry we beat the shit out of you
I suppose I should wish you a happy one year of bumping uglies
Just face planted the stairs. Apparently Santa brought an extra step while I was at the bar... Fucking dick
I figured if he was OK cheating on his gf with a guy, he'd be OK with me posting his number to m4m Craigslist Ads
You’re going to be a doctor, and I’m going to be a trophy wife. We both have goals
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