I definitely just put my boxers on backwards.
haha now u have to piss out ur bum
PS the last 3 guys I've hooked up with were a CEO, a mechanical bull operator and a magic the gathering player...I need a type...
Ur type is ready and willing
i just thanked the atm machine for giving me cash
i just heard her through the wall saying "not on my face! NOT on my face!" then a scream and "I SAID NOT ON MY FACE!!!"...nice work dude.
Shaving your vagina at 8 months pregnant is not an easy chore.
The only thing that was weird was that it WASN'T weird when she got out of the shower and saw me blowing him.
we should probably just go check in at the police station right now
Yeah...don't think he was sober. He kept screaming "I fucking love this game!". It was his Chase app.
Watching videos from last night and u go "I should be the president, I can get whatever I want w my tits"
New rule: I am no longer allowed to speak
The yoga party turned into an underwear party because we are all incompetent when it comes to tying bed sheets.
This has been a Party Success Story
IM TRYING TO BE RESPONSIBLE AND ALL I WANT TO DO IS FUNNEL CHEAP BEER AND SCREAM ABOUT HOW MUCH I LOVE OUR NATION
When he couldn't get it up, he handed me a beer, put his clothes back on, and said "try again tomorrow."
Remember when I got punched in the face on NYE last year? I don't
I supernannyed him into submission
people need to understand when I say I don't want to drink anymore that doesn't mean tempt me with another bottle of Jose Cuervo.
Randomize
