Ok I love you more. To infumty and beyong.
Had sex with him. My tampon is now in my brain. May need surgery.
She was narrarating everything she did.. like while making toast.
Maybe my heart is located in my vagina
Tomorrow will not be complet unless someone eats me out. Just sayin
And we should impose a 'friends don't let friends order 25 shots at last call' rule
I don't know if you remember, but I was only wearing an afghan.
I think the old lady next to me at the bar just saw your pussy
You shouldn't do laundry high cus pink.
Dude my body has gone into shock from not eating frozen pizza and chips. I've been shitting like Richard Simmons after a night out of twerking in a corn field
He texted me at 3am that you cut your hand at the bar and were bleeding all over.
I woke up to a text thinking you bled out at a bar, turns out you got your butthole licked.
I'm going to a one year olds birthday party to smoke weed. What has my life become.
I'm gonna be the best dressed mother fucker to ever get kicked out of that damn bar.
I had tater tots and weed with a stripper at 4am who compared the size of my boob to her head because fuck you my life rocks
My roommate's overnight guest is screaming about the dog licking his asshole. I need a new place to live.
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