worst hand job ever. my dick is about as raw as that sushi your mom wanted me to try.
I will one day have loud vengeance sex as my revenge against you. Until then I'm just going to sit in the living room playing John Mayer while you're trying to do it.
just skyped with my friend to listen in on the people talking shit about me in the library. creepy or strategic?
turns out making maccaroni and cheese with whipped cream instead of butter is only good when your high
Getting wasted on top of a casino. My penis is so much higher than everyone else's right now.
oh my god, just saw a man throw up in a trashcan and blood came out of his nose. HES GETTING ON MY BUS. HES SITTING ACROSS FROM ME. FUCK.
I just peed in a flower pot on the veranda while crying and holding a drink
Where are you?! I require drunk, males and possibly crying. Vomiting is optional and/or optimal as is karaoke.
but it was less of a make out and more of a goodnight kiss as a "thanks for giving our drunk asses a ride home and sorry we called your bar the worst bar in LA"
I'm high and dancing to practical magic. Your needs for my penis can wait.
The hotel had a helipad. Of course we had sex on it.
He was awesome with her today. I can't say that it didn't make my Fallopian tubes sing "The Hills Are Alive."
the last i saw he was butt naked on the top deck of the bus trying to conduct a drunken choir so i really have no idea
It's to the point where if a guy can so much as find my clit, I'll consider him amazing in bed
So were driving two hours to go to a club and Charles packed me a sippy cup full of tequila. He thinks of everything!
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