You picked the wrong day to call in sick. She's wearing the librarian glasses today.
i have received so many congratulations texts this morning. sleeping with him really was a good decision.
My dealer, who also happens to be a male stripper, just invited me to watch him perform tonight. Boundaries buddy, boundaries.
He was able to grab love handles during doggy style... I know we said spring break mexico diet starts next week but i think we need to start tomorrow.
He just asked me if he's allowed to flirt with me. That's how whipped he is.
Denial and avoidance are my survival strategies for 2013.
Denial, avoidance and beer.
The bottle of Jameson may have been a bit aggressive for a Sunday cookout.
Itd be nice if there was a level of interest in me somewhere in between the indifference and obsession that I've only been attracting
Any recommendations for how to tell your wife about the pics of her 19 yr old sister on a porn site without admitting you were surfing said porn site?
Well, if it gives you any indication, when I got there, there was already some dude passed out naked in the treehouse.
Who'd have thought a guy with a lisp would be so good with his tongue?
When you left the bar, you did two cartwheels and a heel click and RAN ALL THE WAY HOME.
how much boxed wine can one drink before work in a couple of hours?
It's called life, you pretentious bitch. Grow up.
So I ended the trip with two cold sores, poison ivy on my leg and vagina, and no alcohol or weed. WORST. 4TH. OF. JULY. EVER.
Randomize
