I'm making celebratory pizza rolls. They're a lot like regular pizza rolls, but without the taste of shame.
Talk me down man. Writing a paper drunk and about to buy Celine Dion's greatest hits.
I need a leash, or some shame. Maybe.
dude a monday night stripper made you motorboat her. you should get that checked out
Way too stoned bro. Was laying down on my back and thought for a good 30 mins what it would be like to be a turtle stuck on its shell
Last night I passed a kidney stone as I came inside her. Worst. Experience. Ever.
my memory may be fuzzy, but the 20+ naked pictures I sent him were surprising clear
So feel off my bed lastnight into the trashcan. On the plus side i thought under my bed was a cave and i went exsploring
his basement wasnt heated so when i asked for a hoodie someone gave me a kimono.. i passed bc who the fuck knows where that shit has been recently
the only joy I get out of her anymore is hitting on her friends and ignoring her. it's chaos for them. like shaking a slutty ant farm
I don't want the fire department to come out here twice in one weekend because of your god damn vape.
We will let tequila do the talkin this weekend
Omg my orgasm just made the fucking sun come out. Clearly my libido controls the weather now.
If wanting to text you my feelings after three mojitos is wrong I don't wanna be right.
I can't take 'get a man' advice from you. You'll stick your penis in a warm banana peel.
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