Sometimes I wonder if my friend studies mystic Christian theology because he's afraid to come out of the closet. Evidently, it's okay to talk about God coming inside you, but not to say the same about dudes.
Hey its bob the builder. Where did you go?
Awesome, the library of congress archived all tweets. Now my great great grandchildren can pinpoint the date they inherited alcoholism.
That's science, my friend. Boner science.
He broke hus nose arm jousting with the traffic cones... We need to make head shots illegal or get helmets or something
Me too it's so nice. Debated studying out there but woulda been 90% babe-watching 5% flexing 3% studying and 2% talkin my boners down.
Would it be sharing too much to tell you that my nipples hurt so much that I couldn't comfortably go down the stairs?
I don't have to hold her hair back as she blows me but I do have to hold the ball on the Santa hat
My snow day: told Cam, "we're not dating today, we're just roommates." No bra, boxers, drinking whiskey by myself for the past 2 hours, yelling at The Ultimate Fighter reruns from 3 years ago.
Just had sex in the room next to my parents. Heading back to school ASAP.
Have you ever drank bourbon in your underwear while wearing a Santa hat and reflecting on the decisions of your life? Asking for a friend.
Sooo I ended up ugly crying at the drive thru window at 10 pm last night....how was your valentine's day?
Well what did you order
I am 5' 11" of pure, uncut Fuck Off right now.
There might be a dead possum in your bed, your roomate is extremely distressed!
My hands smell like vagina and ham.
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