I can't get out of the parking garage so now I'm staying downtown....Typical
Why do i always get involved with 3 women at once?
Because life brings drama and thus like moths to a flame, women
you never realize your highschool teachers are real people till you fuck one of them
I don't know if it was the room or her, but as soon as the pants came off, it smelt like a locker room and old man farts.
They got me high and left me at the mall with a giftcard for $400. I need an adult.
I think I just ate eggs off of a plate covered in cocaine.
Yeah, first time I've shit my pants in my twenties... I'm thinking about putting it on my Facebook timeline
Dude. You gotta go home. I think I left the snake hanging on the chandelier.
I think Facebook knows you fucked me. All of a sudden I get everything you do in my news feed.
You're 34. You can't make guys wait till the third date anymore. Step it up!
I drank beer out of some sort of animal horn all night, then we fucked to a "viking metal" album. I feel like I should go pillage something to complete the Norse trifecta.
Is it weird that sometimes I like to have sex for the health benefits and workout more than the pleasure
Our lives are a motherfucking joke
sam was dropping a deuce next to me. wrote me a note that said "glad we shared this experience." passed it under the wrong stall. the other guy picked it up. that's all I know so far.
we got cockblocked by his mom again...its like she has a radar on me
please stop trying to sleep with him
Randomize
