Woke up to a denim duvet cover this morning... why r guys so tacky?
I really wish I didn't have to wear pants this is ridiculous
Just woke up. I have a "Detective Jacob Arnold's" business card in my pocket.
these 2 russian guys walked past me and i got freaked out because i thought call of duty got real
yeah my parents were only ten feet away and we somehow managed to do it in five different positions without them noticing
This is the guy who showed up to the first day of class with a 24 pack of coke and a handle of rum in his backpack. He doesnt play by normal people rules.
She said I came to for a minute, shouted IHOP!! and then shook my head and said no before passing out again
I don't even know where to begin....there's queso sauce and public hair stuck to everything
Some old truck driver just made me smell his beard I hope tonight turns out better
its cute though when you google his name more than one mug shot comes up from different states
Mehhh. I just tried to type 'extremely', and it auto corrected to 'creek rot'. IT KNOWS WHAT I LOOK LIKE
were facing impending death from north korea and were sitting here snorting tylenol to get high.....where did our lives go wrong?
Guy fieri is speaking only to me. We make eye contact. My whole body is vibrating. My head is purring. I am literally marbles.
Think i may just have managed the saddest high-five in history. Finished a sudoku and high-fived myself, then looked around for somebody to high five. there was noone. forever alone.
What's the point of having a gay best friend if he doesn't play with your titties?
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