Emee failed...She used my genitals as a tampon
Thanks for making me watch you dance provacatively by yourself in the bathroom so you could see if you looked fat.
Either she got face surgery at midnight, or i need to stop drinking...
Sorry about last night..I didnt realize how drunk you were and when I closed the door it caused you to slam into the mirror...you'll probably piece together the puzzle when you read this and see your hand.
Damn it if I pass out in the bathroom one more time this month im going to rehab...
No fucking idea. Just paid for my chipotle in chocolate coins, though. Either there is a huge language barrier happening here, or my big boobs are finally paying off.
Same here... Well I was planning on having some sort of deep conversation, but looking at how grim of an outlook tomorrow has on you, I'll just re-inform you that I have your pants.
I left a care package of Jack Daniel's, pancake mix and porn in your apartment. Merry fucking Christmas.
I bought left over pizza from a guy on Craigslist.
Just sitting here contemplating the meaning of life.
So you're drunk waiting for the bus.
She said she wouldn't get out of hand. When the cops showed up she jumped off the 4ft high porch and fell into a ditch. She then buried herself because she was wearing light pants and though the light from the cops flashlights would reflect off her pants. We couldn't find her for 40 minutes.
my life could not get any worse. just saw my sister in a porno
It's one of the few times I hit fuck it levels of not caring
Took an adderall for the first time in a few weeks. Spent 45 minutes peeling an orange TO PERFECTION.
I have wine with a bendy straw bitches I can do fucking anything
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