oh great. the only prospects for sex left for the night are douchebag in the ed hardy shirt & frodo-looking ass
fuck it... i'll be the lord of his rings
you opened the fridge, pissed on the food, fell over, then threw up on yourself. thats whats all over the kitchen.
I found the perfect eye liner, it passed the blow job test, no smudging!!
the beer staff turned into a beer spear way to quickly
I was asking the bouncer, "if I fall will you catch me?" which then turned into "if I jump off the roof will you catch me?" He said no.
I just remember her dragging me inside in a panic saying we needed mentos and popcorn I have no fucking clue how we ended up asleep in her closet.
All I vaguely remember from last night is getting up on that nice mahogany table and debating about squirrel's rights
You know what, don't even answer. Just promise me you'll go to the Corner of Shame when you get home.
So yes we had an orgy last night and I sucked your tits while you fucked my husband but I am weird about sharing my toothbrush.
Uhmm, it's called hentai.
I DON'T CARE WHAT IT'S CALLED I DON'T WANT TO SEE IT ON MY WORK COMPUTER
I woke up to some strange woman rubbing peanut butter on my thighs
Hey sorry if you felt me holding your hand in the middle of the night I was actually just checking you had a pulse
Like, I just want a guy who will drop what he's doing to come touch my vagina whenever I want and to leave me the hell alone whenever I want. Is that SO MUCH TO ASK??
Depends how u look at it. Half-full, half-empty, or how should I shave my pubes
Help I accidentally unlocked this guy's tragic backstory and I need a rewind button!
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