I'm convinced that Kathy Griffin and Andy Dick are the same person...
Fuck that. Livers are so overdramatic and attention hungry.
Woke up with puke in my bed and my pockets full of Tootsie Rolls.
Jealous.
Maybe she got knocked up by accident. I still refuse to believe that anyone actually INTENTIONALLY gets pregnant.
since i'm not going, you must continue my tradition of flashing every person there.
I need to find my pants, a way out of here, and a cheeseburger.
Apparently i asked the cab driver how much the ride was going to cost, (he said about $25) then i offered him 50 to let me drive the cab...
I've officially done it all, fucked a girl wearing a twister board. ABC parties are amazing!
He showed up at my door at 3 AM wearing a Santa hat with a tiara attached.
He started talking about getting a puppy together. So of course I went down on him later
Looks like it rained condoms in my room last night
im shaving my vagina and listening to frank sinatra, im coming over after
He still want's to kick my ass for fucking his sister, probably a bad idea to leave the bar with his ex...
Why is there an inflatable flamingo in the backseat of my car?
Quick question. If you break the bathroom sink off the wall from fucking on it, can you claim it on your homeowner's insurance as a 'natural disaster'?
Randomize
