Why would I want to inherit a sex machine used by my grandma?
You just took 4 shots. 2 of them were maple syrup.
i was so high last night that i actually googled "how to get un high"
if you ask that question again our friendship is over
is it sad that i can masturbate and get my big O just from thinking about a Tiffany engagement ring?
you thought your tounge was "malfunctioning" because every time u spoke it wouldnt sit still.
dude she was givin me head and stops and looks up at me and tells me she loves me, then goes ''alright now cum in my mouth''.... pretty sure shes the one
Oh God! I'm naked from the waist down playing records. Too drunk. I don't even know what to do.
Balls out but with a shirt on. Eating ravioli. I don't know how to deal with this.
Watch the news tonight. They interviewed me about a fire. I was high as balls so it should be entertaining.
I want to get my vag crammed with complete loss of every bit of dignity I have left by this man from every angle on every flat surface that exists. That is all.
I don't care. I'll text you about my butthole whenever I please. That's what you signed up for in this relationship.
do you know how ratchet you have to be to get kicked out of a drag club on Halloween weekend??
I said that I'm avoiding parties and guys, and the freshman girl just laughed
It would be awesome if I knew whose teeth these were in my pocket
I slapped a guy during sex last night because he moaned the wrong name. Then I remembered I gave him a fake name. Sorry bro.
It's 90 percent alcohol, and 10 percent a whisper that says "get drunk"
Randomize
