You know, I didn't realize this at the time, but it appears that I am being "heavily petted" by 3 grown men in that pic.
If these were biblical times then you'd be a Roman Senator.
we sat in the hammock and pretended we were skydiving for three hours. jack actually started crying when i convinced him his chute didnt open.
Do you know how hard it is to conceal the fact that you puked all over the bed that someone is sleeping in?
My 8 year old wants to name our new cat "fur burger". how do i explain that this is not really appropriate?
walmarts paint section shouldnt be open at 3am
I've decided to be proactive and make a sex playlist on my phone to avoid any awkward moments in my upcoming slutty summer
When hitting a Woodchuck bottle with a machete, glass will fly back and cut your face.
I hope you did not try this.
you flashed my boyfriend last night so i tackled you to the floor. you may be a bit sore.
How could she say that about my foreskin when she hasn't even seen all the cool stuff I can do with it?
Well, we ended up labeling the relationship. We are now each other's designated butt-toucher.
I still don't understand if he's using me to write his resume or if we're dating
Uhm I have a bottle of tequila, a gallon of orange juice, and leggings. Now ask me again how hard im going? And that doesn't cover tomorrow.
Nothing cures your heart after a boy calling you unattractive than a big fat dick
i just read a article called "Booze, Drugs, and Bipolar Disorder"... i think someone is writing the memoirs of my life
we found her on the beach half naked talking to a palm tree
Which half?
Randomize
