You surviving the open bar?
Super asto ex polenta omaha botad
i just dedicated my kegstand to your breasts
Midnight run for medical supplies ended several hours later with a lapdance to the Braveheart soundtrack.
You just kept shouting "I AM AN ADULT!" until he agreed to carry you home on his shoulders.
I'm at work, and just realized I the beer smell I keep getting random whiffs of is my bra. I fail at life.
I'm glad I get the same reaction from you for cookies and for my naked body
I feel like a monkey keeps fucking me in the ear with a trombone as a dick.
Only you would have to block the fucking governor of Tennessee from reading your tweets
I want you to read this conversation tomorrow and be proud of the fact that you taught me how to decipher any drunk message. Good job.
Oh my god, I totally forgot we call your penis "Godzilla's Tail".
just saw a kid get pissed on buy a tiger at the zoo. His dad is rofling and the kid is crying. I think I have to go make a new friend
Sooo I ended up ugly crying at the drive thru window at 10 pm last night....how was your valentine's day?
Well what did you order
I accidentally made jungle juice last night.
don't take this the wrong way, but I'm not drunk but I need you to take me to the ER and you're the most likely to not be drunk now.
I’m not lawful evil! I do evil things because I want to, not because of the law
Randomize
