So A**** bought my story about how my hickey was a bruise from wrestling
on one hand i'm glad that i'm not in trouble...on the other hand i realized that the reason i cheat on her is because she is so stupid
I texted him to clear the air a bit, apologized if I freaked him out. No reply. So I'm gonna go ahead and fuck someone in a barn tonight.
She compared sex to doing dishes."You scrub them until they're wet."
Went to my car this morning. Found a waffle from Waffle House in the front seat. No idea how it got there. So hung over I ate it.
He tried to bang a 300 pounder last night. No joke. I shotgunned a tall boy in a bar cuz the bartender didn't crack the beer. Cant wait till Nashville.
I was so drunk. I apparently did a flip over the balcony using it as monkey bars. Ya I hurt a bit today
Right when he gets off the plane they're going straight to a party where you're only allowed in with a bottle of whisky and they are given bullet proof vests.
How many times can I tell him that I wasn't expecting sex before he finally figures out that I'm just too lazy to shave?
At what point do you think my baptist preacher of a father will clue in that my brother "bringing a foreign exchange student" for thanksgiving means "bringing his european boyfriend and they'll probably fuck every night" for thanksgiving?
I don't know what was up he just kept sitting in his chair smoking weed and watching home movies all night it was weird as fuck.
The drug dealer had chickens in his house so I know it was good stuff.
I chatted up the pastor's son on Grindr during the service. Still ridiculing my decision to go to church this morning?
I am luring the porn star to my house with chicken!
honestly performing my own hysterectomy would hurt less than my cramps right now.
She started crying because the Rugrats grew up
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